Hello dearests!
What is it with this confounded weather? 19 degrees one day, -40 the next! It’s chaos for all of nature. On Wednesday I saw some bunnies gamboling in the white garden. Marvelous, I thought, Spring est arrivee. And the following day they were frozen solid, their only use as a lowly doorstop.
Amidst this climatic confusion, Pignuts thrive and this is a WORRY. They’re the most desperately parasitic little buggers. If they grow on a fallow patch that you’ve reserved for Bottle Stubs, Whorecrunch or something long lasting like Ayrton Senna well that’s it, the patch will be overrun with Bindle Weed and Piss Stalks.
The solution: If you see even a hint of a pignut, mix half a pint Labrador wee with Drambuie and sprinkle liberally. Work completed, light a fire and finish aforementioned bottle of Drambuie.
Cheers,
JC xx
Dearest Jennifer,
I so miss hearing your informative gardening tips and have been so worried about you and your welfare recently! It’s been too long!!! Darling little Poppy has this very morning suggested I give you a nudge to see if you are ‘still alive’ (Annoyingly,she does this to me every morning, which I resent — and of course I suspect in her case she’s hoping I won’t respond). Cheeky!! The Commander grows bored and I feel I need to shake things to get his attention — any hints for keeping it interesting (either indoors or outdoors)? We’re having guests next weekend for a gala garden party and was hoping to devise something shocking for them in the new ‘Love Grotto’. Any ideas?
Look forward to hearing from you — praying you are alive!!
Flossy